mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
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