I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
Randomize
