how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
Houston, we have a blender
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet