i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
Randomize