I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
Randomize
