guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
Randomize
