Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
Randomize
