Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
Randomize
