Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
I need to wash the frat house off of me
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
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