Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
My apartment stinks of burning failure
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