we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
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