dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
Randomize
