My nipple is on Facebook.
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
Randomize