great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
