so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Randomize
