Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
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