sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
Randomize
