Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
Randomize
