I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
Randomize
