How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Randomize
