who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
Randomize
