she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
Randomize
