I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
Life is so much better after having sex.
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
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