i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
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