I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
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