I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
Slut skills are useful in every country.
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
