Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
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