Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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