is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
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