I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
Randomize
