We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
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