I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
everyone is single if you try hard enough
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
Randomize
