I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
