Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
I think my fart just growled at me.
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
Randomize
