Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
Randomize
