omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
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