I'm jealous of your bromance
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
