This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
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