New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
Randomize
