we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
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