he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
i think i just lost a toe
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
