If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
Randomize
