I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
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