we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
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