FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
Randomize
