i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Randomize
