so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
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