She has some nice fakeys. She is also an exotic entrepreneur.
I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
bring money and cleavage
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Randomize
