They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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