This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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