Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Randomize
