im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
Randomize
