We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
