the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
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