So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
Randomize
