i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
Randomize
