Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
