I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize
