non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
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