garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
