After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
I came so hard my ears popped.
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
Randomize