Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
windsor, ontario is like a poor man's amsterdam
no, it is just poor
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Randomize
