We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
Randomize
