U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
