True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
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I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
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I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
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