I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
porn star boner night. come get it.
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
Randomize
