It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
Randomize
