Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
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